Big 17s and Big Papers

When I played basketball in high school, I remember we would have certain days that were "conditioning days". I could usually sense that they were coming. It was as if I walked into the gym and felt instantly nauseated. I knew we would be conditioning. We ran these things called "BIG 17s" We would sprint the width of the gym from one side to the other 17 times and had to do it under a minute. To this day it is one of the toughest physical exercises I've ever had to do. Anyway, I remember when we had reached about 12 sprints, I would start to feel a desire to puke deep down in my soul. My body ached, my skin felt on fire, I could picture my lungs shriveling up inside of me and my mind screamed, "you're an idiot for playing sports!". My coach would always shout..."Finish strong ladies...Finish strong". It helped I think.

So now I am sitting at my computer writing my final paper in order to graduate with my MDIV and I feel exhausted. I'm definitely nauseated, my lungs feel ok, but my body aches and my mind is for sure screaming, "you are an idiot for being in school 4 1/2 yrs longer than you really needed to!" I sort of wish that one of my professors was sitting across from me with a whistle and a stop watch shouting, "Finish strong Melissa..stop blogging to distract yourself and finish strong!!!" That might get me through the night.

No one ever talks about....

Shame. We talk a lot about forgiveness of guilt and Jesus repaying our debt. But I don't think I have ever heard a sermon on shame. You see, guilt and shame are totally different. We get over our guiltiness as soon as we have been pardoned, but shame lingers. Here's an enlightening quote:

"...the removal of sin as objective offense standing between God and human persons does not yet remove shame as the deeper problem of the self. Shame means that one has suffered loss of being, not merely loss of status. The purpose of divine forgiveness is not merely to pardon sin as a legal or objective fault, but to overcome shame which has weakened and destroyed the inner being of the self. Thus, atonement must also deal with the overcoming of shame."

Solution Ideas?: Recover personal worth and value in the presence of safe and loving relationships. Uncover secrets...especially the secret parts of ourselves that show just how ugly and disgusting we are.

I like this topic. I'm going to study it further....and maybe teach on it. Any thoughts?

This pretty much says it...

"Honesty in the presence of love makes one whole and safe". Dani Falcioni, PHD Pastoral Counselor.

This pretty much describes my journey recently and what is nourishing my heart. I am eternally grateful for those that have sat and listened to me and created a space of love for me to be myself and to share my life. I am more whole and feel more safe because of them.

I hope I can be this for other people and that the church around the world can cultivate a culture that embodies this.

Barefoot Contessa's Got Nothin....

on my good friend Abby Harris. Abby started cooking for me a few months ago when I needed a little "pick me up." And I have been taking advantage of her skills ever since. I knew she was gifted when I first tasted her homemade spaghetti sauce that she made from scratch (and my Italian self is pretty tough to impress). Her talents were confirmed when she whipped up a homemade BBQ chicken pizza and made me never want to go to BJ's again. We've done chicken, carne asada, creative salads and some killer brie with roasted garlic...but nothing could have prepared me for one of the greatest birthday gifts ever....(Just go with me)

Appetizer: Artichokes steamed with lemon and garlic

Main Course: King crab legs sauteed in a lemon,butter, white wine sauce with fresh garlic, shallots, green onions and parsley. The sauce was so good I could have drank it. (and kinda did).

Side #1: Sauteed asparagus cooked to perfection

Side #2: Spinach salad with gorganzola crumbles and candied (but sorta salty) pecans in a homemade balsalmic/sherry dressing.

Dessert: Chocolate covered almonds


It was a masterpiece. Every dish had a flavor that made me happy. The crab was insane. I felt like Bob from the movie "What about Bob?" (I just kept hmmm..ing and ahhh...ing)

So, all of this to say that my friend Abby is an amazing chef and an even more amazing friend! It was a good birthday.

Bonding at its Best!

I just spent the week up at Hume Lake with all of the Pastors and Directors of Calvary Church. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning of the week. I was worried it would be boring or awkward, but I was absolutely BLOWN AWAY! We spent about 10 hours just sitting around getting on the same page and encouraging each other. I feel like I am a better person after hanging out with these people for a week and I seriously love my church family. I've been in the mood for group hugs ever since.

I feel completely cared for and even better, I feel like I completely care about the people that I work with. Doing life with them is not an obligation or an act of chance...it is a complete blessing!

"I" and "You"

We talk to each other all of the time and we say things like, ""I" was thinking about...what do "YOU" think about...?" We have conversations with each other constantly that either contain the word "I" or "You". Of course we mean that I as a person would like to talk to you as a person. By using the words "I" and "You" we automatically assume that the individual to whom we are speaking is an actual person and a soul and created human being made in the image of God. A Jewish philosopher named Martin Buber points out some good stuff about this extremely obvious fact of life:

1. In order to have an "I" there must be a "You". We can only learn about ourselves and understand who we are when we are able to be different than someone else and experience that person while simultaneously reflecting upon ourselves. If there was no community, we would never be able to understand ourselves at all. Maybe this is why God said, "Its not good for man to be alone"? We need to know others in order to know ourselves. (we need to know God in order to know ourselves, but that is a different post.)

2. If acknowledging the personhood of someone reinforces the personhood and the humanness of ourselves, then when we treat a person or a "You" as an "it", not only do we deny someone's personhood, we deny our own. So when one person treats another person as an object or a thing, that person denies the fact that they themselves are a real human being person who is made in the image of God.

All of this to say....I want to engage in community and deepen my relationships because I really want to know myself and what it looks like to be a human being made in the image of God. Secondly, I want to burn down every strip club in the world, tear up trashy magazines, delete websites that portray people as objects and beg the entire world to stop denying their personhood by denying the personhood of others. My heart breaks for this aspect of our culture...There is such a better way to view each other!!!

If you actually made it through all of this random spewing of intense thoughts that swirl through my mind...I aplaude you!

Cost of Serving the Lord

I chipped my tooth while talking on the microphone at church tonight! I am so bummed! I can't stop feeling it with my tongue and my lip. I need a good dentist! And because I have sad, weak teeth....I need a GOOD dentist. Any suggestions? (I have a dental PPO if that makes you refer someone better). And I need an orthodontist while we're on the topic!